OfficeMax's Stock Surge: That's a Lot of #2 Pencils

This can't be good news for Dunder Mifflin.
Good thing Michael left the company when he did.

Today OfficeMax's shares rose 21 percent because of rumors that it's going to merge with one of its rivals, Office Depot. My initial thoughts:

1. DAMN I WISH I INVESTED IN OFFICE MAX TODAY
2. The merger makes sense, because I always thought Office Max and Office Depot were the same brand, anyway.
3. Both brands, which sound like the same brand (see initial thought #2), I tend to call by an easier-to-remember name: "Not Staples."
4. CAN I STILL INVEST IN OFFICE MAX AND MAKE MONEY OR WILL IT BE TOO LATE LIKE THOSE THIRTY-SEVEN OTHER TIMES I INVESTED TOO LATE TO MAKE ANY MONEY DAMN WHY DID I SELL MY FIVE SHARES OF GOOGLE AT 450

For what it's worth (in my case, it's worth nothing, because I didn't invest any money today), Office Depot's stock went up 9 percent, while Staples' stock went up 13 percent.

The Chicago Times sez that part of Office Depot's I mean OfficeMax's recent success is due in part to its ability to "shrink and become more nimble." I'll have to use that phrase next time I deal with the wife.