OfficeMax's Stock Surge: That's a Lot of #2 Pencils

This can't be good news for Dunder Mifflin.
Good thing Michael left the company when he did.

Today OfficeMax's shares rose 21 percent because of rumors that it's going to merge with one of its rivals, Office Depot. My initial thoughts:

1. DAMN I WISH I INVESTED IN OFFICE MAX TODAY
2. The merger makes sense, because I always thought Office Max and Office Depot were the same brand, anyway.
3. Both brands, which sound like the same brand (see initial thought #2), I tend to call by an easier-to-remember name: "Not Staples."
4. CAN I STILL INVEST IN OFFICE MAX AND MAKE MONEY OR WILL IT BE TOO LATE LIKE THOSE THIRTY-SEVEN OTHER TIMES I INVESTED TOO LATE TO MAKE ANY MONEY DAMN WHY DID I SELL MY FIVE SHARES OF GOOGLE AT 450

For what it's worth (in my case, it's worth nothing, because I didn't invest any money today), Office Depot's stock went up 9 percent, while Staples' stock went up 13 percent.

The Chicago Times sez that part of Office Depot's I mean OfficeMax's recent success is due in part to its ability to "shrink and become more nimble." I'll have to use that phrase next time I deal with the wife.

Someone's Horsing Around at the Lasagna Factory

Hi! You said something about having me for dinner? Oh, wait...

Though I've eaten plenty of so-called meat products that could have actually been made of horse (such as the McRib and most of what they served in my high school cafeteria), no actual horse products (or, shudder, byproducts) have ever been discovered.

Across the pond in the UK, where I'm told they like to boil or fry everything, revolting revelations reveal that 11 meals sold by the Swedish frozen-food company Findus, contained "between 60% and 100% horsemeat," thanks to its French meat supplier, Comigel.

Not a win, place, or show kind of day for any of those brands, as well as the stores that sold the products.

The brand is probably pronounced "FIN-dus," but I can't help but think it's pronounced "FIND-us," as in "Try to find us," where "us" means "horses in our products."